Bazooka Poop

For those of you who don't know, I have two cats. One cat is perfect, because she knows where the litterboxes (we have three) are. The other one has no clue. She seemingly pees in there, because we don't find stuff stinking of cat pee, but she just can't be bothered to poop in there. Ever.

Ordinarily, we base our decision on whether or not to let the cats sleep with us on what time Lucha (outside-the-box-pooper) does her outside-the-box business. She pooped on the living room rug fairly late at night, so we decided to let them into the bedroom when we went to bed (around 3:30am).

Approximately 3 hours later I awoke to Lucha scratching at the comforter. Instantly I was fully awake, snatched her up and tossed her out of the room. Kayako, who had been sleeping peacefully, was an unfortunate casualty of this, as I had to give her the boot as well to shut the door. I went back to bed, figuring I would just pick up the poop when I woke up, wherever it happened to be.

A few minutes later the smell wafted under the bedroom door. It was no ordinary cat-poop smell. This smell had legs. I got up to clean it up, and was greeted to three rooms of brown horror. There were at least 25 spots of foul everywhere. She managed to get it on two televisions, my subwoofer, four walls, the laptop, the coffee table, the dining room table, the rug, and this incredible three-foot-radius circle of poo-spots on the side of the shower. I have no idea how she accomplished this, but I really should have taken pictures.

Lucha was furiously licking herself, and I noticed she still had a decent amount of nasty on her big furry tail, so I got some wet paper towel and went over to help her clean up. Unfortunately, she decided she wanted to be a do-it-herselfer, and proceeded to run from me, dragging skid marks around the room some more.

I have not slept since the three hours I got pre-horrorshow. I fear my house will never smell like anything but the worst cat ass in history ever again. They haven't created an Oust that will oust this odor.